COVID-19 Blog Series: Questions and Children
In the United States, many people have been staying at home for several weeks. The news over the past month showed so many different responses to the crisis; from staying at home to opening businesses. It seems that each state has its own way of handling the crisis.
No matter if you’re in a state that is still ordering residents to stay at home or in a state that is trying to resume normal life, it can cause a lot of worry. Additionally, that worry can be seen and felt by young children at home. Children are often very attuned to the feelings of adults, and when they sense worry, the children can worry, too. You may even have a child who asks, “When is this going to be over?”
That’s a tough question. How do you answer a child’s question when you don’t know the answer? On top of that, how do you give an answer that is appropriate for a child? Is it okay to be honest or do you have to make up a “happy” answer so as not to scar the child? Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to these questions that fits for all families. However, there are some things to keep in mind that will help to be more thoughtful about these answers.
Learning from Watching. Children are constantly learning, and it’s not just school work that they’re learning. They are also learning how to react to stress, manage emotions, and interact with others. And they learn these things from the adults in their lives. This does not mean you can never get angry, frustrated, or any other “bad” emotion. What this does mean is that you take time to take care of yourself and apologize for your reaction, such as yelling.
Honesty. It’s important to make sure that you’re honest with your child. You don’t need to show images or be graphic in your descriptions of what’s going on. There are child-friendly ways of communicating. For example, a response to the child’s question can be, “I don’t know when everything will be just like it used to be, but I know there are a lot of good people working very hard to make it so that we can.” Another response could be, “I’m not sure when you can go back to school, because I want to make sure that you and no one else gets sick.” You can also share your own feelings as well: “I feel sad that we have to be inside all the time and not see our friends and family, too. But we can call friends and family or even write them a letter or make them a card.”
It’s okay to admit that you don’t know. Though I mentioned it in the previous point, I want to emphasize, it’s okay to not know. As parents, you can be tempted to have all the answers your child asks, but every now and then there will be a question that doesn’t have a quick and easy answer. Sharing that you don’t know isn’t bad. Sharing that you don’t know and what you’re thinking and wanting to do can be better.
This is a difficult time for many with lots of worries about what is to come. Shielding a child from the realities of what’s happening may seem like a good choice, but then the child misses out on how to handle difficult situations. It’s not necessarily “the answer” to the question that is important, but how you think through and handle difficult situations that can be a major learning experience. This crisis is an important time of learning for children, and they can learn so much good from you.
