Blog #12: Children and Racism
On May 25, 2020, a Black Minnesota man was killed by a white police officer. This sparked protests across the country bringing awareness to the injustice and anger towards racism. There are numerous examples of systemic, or institutional, racism in this country such as disparities in income, education, political power, and criminal justice system to name a few. It is complex problem that is woven into the fabric of the society we live in today.
This blog post isn’t to supply an answer to the issue of racism in the US but to help parents think about how to talk to their children. It is nearly impossible to avoid the events of the past few weeks on the news and all over social media. As stressful as this is for adults, it is very stressful for children. Children are seeing the world in pain, but may not fully understand and feel scared. The following are suggestions to keep in mind when talking to children about racism.
1) Check your own emotions. It is easy to feel strong emotions right now. Seeing the protests and considering the issues can stir up your own experiences with racism. It can make you angry, anxious, sad, frustrated, or even defeated. It’s okay to feel emotions. However, before talking to a child, take a moment to check your feelings and body. Know what you are feeling, name those feelings for yourself. Being aware of where you are will help you from losing control of those feelings, which may then scare your child.
2) Allow for questions and be honest. Even if you don’t have an answer, always allow for your child to ask you questions. If your child cannot ask you, or feels afraid to ask, then where will your child get answers? This is also why it is important to check in on how you’re feeling so that your child feels comfortable enough to ask and talk to you about a stressful time where they feel powerless. It’s okay to not know the answers to some questions and for you to share that with your child.
3) Check in with your child regularly. The issue of racism is not going to disappear overnight. Just as your child’s feelings of fear and uncertainty will not go away with one conversation. Even after the protests end, racism will continue to be an issue that needs to be discussed with your child. Ask your child how they are feeling, watch for any unusual changes in the way they behave, and remind them that you love them and want to talk with them.
4) Build your relationship with your child. Throughout this website’s blog, we’ve talked about the importance of having a relationship with your child. Talking about what’s happening in the US and world can only happen effectively if you have a strong trusting relationship with your child. Not every interaction has to be a heavy conversation, but playing games, watching a movie, eating together, doing activities together, or even simply being with one another regularly will help build the relationship as well.
5) Simple language. Be careful to use simple language when having a conversation about racism with your child. Using complex words or not breaking down complicated ideas will make it harder for your child to understand. The less your child can understand, the more your child has to fear.
The protests speaking out against racism and the global pandemic are showing us that the world has a lot of uncertainty and is in crisis. The world is going through something that it has never experienced before. You may not have an answer to all questions from your child, but being able to have courage in the presence of fear and being able to comfort and reassure your child during this time are so important. Your responses to your child’s questions are important learning experiences, but so is how you behave and respond to this crisis.
